


Under Pressure

by MutteringWhispers



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5754379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MutteringWhispers/pseuds/MutteringWhispers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was supposed to guide them through it, to assure that they were going to make it. But he failed. And once again, Hanbin finds himself making the same mistakes, pressuring his bandmates -his family- too much. But this time, his friendship with Bobby is also under pressure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under Pressure

**Author's Note:**

> This story happens shortly after WIN era. Hope that you enjoy it!

The first thing that he listens to when he wakes up is the soft sound of Jinhwan snoring from across the other side of the room. Opening his eyes, he observes the bottom of the bunk above him where Bobby is _supposed_ to be sleeping, and he thinks “supposed” because the first thing that he’s also noticed after waking up is the absence of Bobby’s loud snoring.

After the years, he’s grown used to going to sleep and waking up with Bobby’s loud snores and Jinhwan’s soft ones playing on the background because he’s normally the last one going to sleep and the first one to wake up. So, he’s not surprised when he gets up and checks Bobby’s bunk to find it empty, the only traces left of his best friend being the mess of sheets laying upon the bed.

Trying to make as less noise as possible, he exits the room and walks confidently through the corridors. He’s arrived at the dorms enough times too late during his trainee days to know by heart his way around without needing to switch on the lights anymore. It wouldn’t be the first time for Hanbin to find Bobby eating like a zombie in the kitchen, but after checking said place and the bathroom, he starts to worry. When he sees that Bobby’s shoes are not where they should be, he doesn’t hesitate twice before grabbing his jacket, putting on his shoes and getting out of the dorm.

The lift’s clock signals that it’s way too late for him to be awake, and that he’s going to regret it during the whole day tomorrow, but he doesn’t think about it much and braces himself for the cold weather that is going to welcome him as soon as he steps out of the building. Seoul’s winter nights have always been too cold for Hanbin’s taste.

He’s not even thinking about where he’s heading to, his feet leading him effortlessly through the neighbourhood’s streets. He knows this place as well as he knows the dorms, so he just focus on the sound of his sneakers hitting the pavement. There’s nobody around, not even the cats that they used to feed back then before they were scolded by their neighbours. It’s weird how such a big and busy city as Seoul can be so quiet at odd hours.

Punching the right code on the door, he listens to the familiar “beep” sound ringing too loud now that everything else is quiet, signalling that the door is opened. Walking down the corridor, he sees that the studio’s lights are on and he stops right in front of the glass door. He can discern Bobby’s silhouette form there; he’s lying down on the floor on the narrow space between the sofa and the studio’s desk where they have spent too many hours for Hanbin to keep a record on.

Bobby is listening to music through his headphones, and the volume is high enough for Hanbin to hear even though he’s outside of the room. Taking in a deep breath, he opens the door, careful enough to avoid hitting Bobby’s legs. He doesn’t need to speak up to know that Bobby knows that he’s there, even if his eyes are closed and the music too high. He doesn’t says anything, he just sits down on the small sofa and glances up to look at the ceiling, the bright light of the bulb making him squint his eyes. The studio is plunged into silence apart from Bobby’s music and the faint sound of their breathing, and Hanbin feels at ease like this, just the two of them in the studio as always, so he closes his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” his voice, deep and rough, sounds strangled, as if he’s been crying. But Hanbin knows Bobby well enough to know that that’s just his night voice.

“I’m going to blame it on you tomorrow when the noonas scold me for not being able to cover my eye bags properly again,” he replies.

“I didn’t want to shout at you,” Bobby says.

“You know, I’ve been thinking that it doesn’t matter if I sleep the whole day, I guess that my eye bags are now permanent,” he answers.

“Hanbin–”

“The make-up companies should try to invent a concealer that covers my eye bags, I’m sure that if they make it, they will sell the product a lot,” the younger cuts him off.

“Hanbin, listen to me, look at me,” Bobby demands, voice sounding harsher.

The music is long gone, and Hanbin forces himself to remain with his eyes closed, knowing very well that if he looks at the boy in front of him, he’s going to lose his temper.

“But yours are not better, you know? You should try to sleep more, but I guess that not even doing so–”

Bobby is suddenly yanking him off of the sofa, forcing him to stand up and to face him, too close for Hanbin to ignore the look on his best friend’s face. “Hanbin, please, stop it,” he says, almost begs him. And Hanbin does so, stops his rant, but doesn’t stop the words that leave his mouth. “No, _you_ stop it. Stop apologizing, stop blaming yourself, is not your fault”.

The silence falls between them, and they are left staring at each other. To be honest, Hanbin hates this whole situation; hates the fact that he fucked it up again being too harsh with his member during practice, hates the fact that he couldn’t control his own frustrations, hates the fact that he lost his temper, but he hates even more that he ended up hurting Bobby enough for him to shout at him. It seems so impossible, Bobby is not an aggressive type of person, not at all. He’s always calmed and chill, trying to see the bright side of life even in the darkest moments. And Hanbin is an asshole, he is, because every single member is going through hell now, not only him, and he shouldn’t have gotten even with them.

“Is not your fault either,” Bobby mumbles, voice barely a whisper.

Hanbin doesn’t reply, he does not because he doesn’t agree with his best friend. If there’s someone to blame at, that’s him, and that’s something that he’s very well aware of. He’s the leader, he’s the one supposed to push the group though it, the one supposed to guide them. And he failed. The memories of a week ago come back to him like a magnet to his mind. It’s the first thing that he remembers when he wakes up, and the last thing that he thinks of when he goes to sleep. The pain, the frustration, the disappointment, the desperation… aren’t enough to describe how he’s been feeling since that night. But it’s not only about him, it’s also about the other five people that trusted him and that he failed to. And he can’t forgive himself for that.

“We’re all very stressed, you don’t need to worry,” Hanbin says, ignoring Bobby’s words. “Besides, I’m always shouting at you, you have your right too”

The words are meant to lighten up the mood, but Bobby’s face remains the same. Sadness. Desperation. Tiredness. Hanbin considers himself good when it comes down to reading someone’s emotions, and Bobby is like an open book for him, has always been. But there’s something in his eyes that he can’t quite describe.

“We should go back home, we have to wake up early,” Hanbin says. But he can’t help it but to wonder for what reason, they no longer know if they will debut someday, hell, they don’t even know if they’re going to remain together as a group. Every day they just wake up and practice hard until they are unable to feel anything else but exhaustion, he guesses that they do so out of habit, and because it helps them to not think about anything else.

He doesn’t wait for a response, not even when Bobby looks like he’s got something else to say. Hanbin turns around and switches off the lights of the studio, heading to the door, but he’s suddenly stopped, a strong hand griping his bicep. He doesn’t turn around, he does not because he knows what will happen if he does so. But Bobby has had enough and forces him to face him, pressing Hanbin’s back against the cold surface of the door. The lights are off and silence and darkness surrounds them. Hanbin can still discern Bobby’s sharp features thanks to the faint light that filters through the corridor’s window. Even though he barely can see him, he’s still gorgeous.

They are too close, crossing the invisible barrier that marks the “safe zone”, and Hanbin is, for the first time after so long, _scared_. Scared because their friendship has always been very strong, but at the same time fragile. They both know that one false move and the whole thing could crash into many pieces. So Hanbin holds his breath in, balls his hands into fists. He prays for Bobby to don’t make a stupidity because Hanbin is too tired of everything now to stop him. He doesn’t even know if he wants to anymore.

Bobby gets even closer, his hands now grabbing him by his hips, pressing him further into the door. They’re so close that Bobby’s right leg is between his own, Bobby’s hair tickles his cheek and their chests touch each other when they breathe, suddenly heaving as if they have ran a marathon. This is too much, they should stop. They _have to_ stop.

“Bobby,” he tries, voice faint and weak. But Bobby doesn’t stop, just keeps leaning in if that’s even possible. “We can’t,” he tries again.

“Says who,” Bobby answers back and Hanbin notices a hint of anger on his voice.

“Me,” he replies. “And you too, you’re just tired,” he tries to make his voice sound firmer, wanting to make Bobby think that he actually believes what he’s said, even though that’s a great lie.

“ _Fuck it_ Hanbin. I don’t care anymore,” have it been any other situation and Hanbin would have laughed at Bobby’s cursing in English out of frustration, but he’s as frustrated as he is, perhaps even more.

He can’t believe that they’re actually talking about it. They’ve never done so, never spoken up about the feelings that they have for each other, about the pent-up frustration that everybody seems to notice but them, about the fact that they care for each other too much for it to be just “very close best friends”, about the ache that they feel every time that they see the other hurting, about the fact that they can’t seem to stop touching each other all the time, about the possibility that they are very much probably in love.

“We can’t do it,” Hanbin repeats because he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Tell me a good reason,” Bobby demands him, eyes looking at him so fiercely that Hanbin has the urge to look down but doesn’t because he needs to sound convincing.

“This will only make things worse,” is the only thing that he’s capable to think of. A snort comes out from Bobby.

“Do you really think that things can get worse?” his voice is so full of irony that Hanbin doesn’t answer. “We’ve lost everything for what we’ve been killing ourselves for years. We don’t have anything else to lose Hanbin. Nothing matters anymore,” Bobby’s talking so low that Hanbin has to make an effort to listen to him. “And you know what? We don’t even know what’s going to happen to us, so I don’t want to lose any more time while I still can,” the words sound bitter in Hanbin’s ears, making him want to cry. Because he’s right, he always is.

So he thinks for something to say, anything, because he’s scared and excited at the same time and he shouldn’t be feeling this way. Not when everything that he’s been trying to prevent is happening, not when he feels like he has lost control of his life. But when he feels Bobby’s right hand cupping his face, he closes his eyes, giving up.

Bobby’s lips are way softer than he expected them to be, moulding perfectly with his. At first they just press their lips against each other, enjoying the feeling of it. He doesn’t know when but his arms are now around Bobby’s neck, his fingers carding through his soft hair. Bobby kisses him softly when he starts to move, lips firm but soothing, massaging Hanbin’s. He’s always thought that their first kiss –if they ever happened to have one– would be happy, but he can taste the despair on Bobby’s lips, so he exerts pressure on Bobby’s nape, deepening the kiss, trying to bring him closer.

Bobby hooks an arm around his waist, Hanbin’s body completely flushed against his. Hanbin is as closer as he’s ever been to Bobby, but it seems like it’s not enough, not even when there’s not a single centimetre separating them. So when Bobby opens his mouth and slides his tongue over Hanbin’s lips, he feels like his body has been set on fire, allowing him entrance without hesitation. Bobby’s tongue against his has to be one of the better sensations that he’s ever felt. The combination of his lips, his warmth, his body pressed against his and his tongue is totally driving him crazy, and he struggles to keep up with Bobby’s pace when the latter seems to lose his self-control and starts kissing him restlessly.

A moan escapes his mouth, feeling as if he’s out of himself, hands shaking around Bobby’s neck. And that only seems to fuel even more the other’s desire, whom hands start to caress his neck, his arms, his sides, his back… Hanbin feels like they’re pouring into the kiss all their frustrations, all the tension that has been building up inside of them for so long. So the kiss turns even fiercer, until it arrives to a point in which Hanbin can’t stop moaning quietly every time that Bobby’s tongue strokes his own harder, or every time that his hands make him get goose bumps everywhere. And it’s not until Bobby pulls away, forehead resting against his own, that he realizes how out of breath he is and how aroused he feels.

Bobby’s hand is now caressing his cheek, eyes looking deeply into his, making Hanbin feel like he’s losing himself into them. “You’re fucking perfect” Bobby mumbles, lips touching Hanbin’s because of the proximity.

Hanbin hugs him tighter, wanting to feel nothing but Bobby against him, wanting to forget about everything else, about the mess that his life is now. So he kisses him again, not caring about the fact that his best friend is the one that he’s kissing, that he’ll have to deal with the consequences tomorrow. They just kiss, and touch, and feel each other, unable to satiate themselves.

And Hanbin thinks that he’s never going to have enough of Bobby.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, if you've arrived till the end, let me give you a cookie :D This is my first fanfic ever (well, the first that I've finally decided to post somewhere), and also my first Ikon story ever. I'm new to the fandom so I'm worried that I haven't been able to portray their characters well since I'm still trying to decipher each member's role on the group, but hope that this makes sense ^^'  
> Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for grammar mistakes, poor vocabulary, misspelling and all these things *cries*. I've tried my best!  
> Comments are welcome, so feel free to write down below what do you think of this attempt of Double B angst/fluff (I'm so in love with them that ughshhsghqsgqgshgqshq)
> 
> P.S. I may or may not have something resembling to a sequel stored in my laptop. Who knows...


End file.
